Jealousy

I don't know what is wrong with me or why I have any reason to be jealous, maybe it's because I'm fat and not as pretty as the other girls maybe it's because I'm a pain in the ads or maybe just because no one really cares even if they 'say' they do. I don't understand what I've done in life to become this person that everyone pretends to like. I can't stay jealous, but I can't keep pretending it doesn't hurt me either... Is it so bad to want attention? Is it too much to ask for someone to want me. I'm sick of being so alone in this world I feel like theres nothing else out there for me. I want to just disappear, no one would notice. They never notice anything wrong with me, like the recent scars of the knife on my arm... Like the tear tracks that run down my face at night... I'm trying to make it somewhere in life but everything seems like a dead end. Or it's good for a little while but never gets better or only is good for a little while before I become trapped in this circle of blah that's no good for me... How do I escape it all?? I don't know what to do...