Insecure

Ok I know I have a couple pounds to lose, but lately I've been thinking how I haven't dated anyone since July of 2013... I feel so alone but at the same time I feel like I can't be with anyone ( not that anyone wants me) because I'm so stuck on Ryan and he's my friend and I don't want to be so torn up over him when he leaves this world that I push someone else good away... I just don't know what I'm doing anymore... I feel so stuck and alone but I don't want to hurt anyone else in my life.
Then it doesn't help when I go out alone people practically point and stare at me.... Its so depressing how everyone I see out there that's half decent is married or so young... What really is hard is so many people that are younger than me that I know are off getting married and having a great life... And I feel like I'm sitting here stuck in the mud never getting anywhere....