spilling over

holding back this dam of tears is so hard to do. I'm stuck and I've hurt myself again. I always bring this upon myself and you think I'd learn... one of these days I'm gonna say something and thats gonna be the end right there... I don't want that to happen. I just want to be able to be what it used to be, fun exciting and enjoyable. I miss that, and I miss him... I don't want to be depressed and hurting, I want to be alive again, I don't know how to be tho... I still love him <3

annoyed to heck

I don't know how he keeps getting under my skin but she does, it just takes her saying something or doing some annoying random thing to piss me off. I see her all day long at work then I get some piece at my place if she doesn't stop in, then weekends I get to hang with her and Ryan and it's bugging me that I have to share everything too... apparently she invited rissa over to zumba which is great but I got told that she is crashing at my place afterwards... thanks for asking me before.... whatever I just gotta learn to put up with Minnie all the time I guess.... anyway enough venting for one day

a wave of emotions

I'm stuck, depressed, lonely, jealous, wishing, frustrated, impatient, sad, feeling used, pushed away. lots of things right now... I just hurt... why do feel like it's so hard to see him for like 5 min? why does it feel like he doesn't want me around when he said he wanted to work on things, I feel like I'm only in his life when he wants me there... I try to start a conversation and he just shuts me down.... I don't know what to do anymore... I want to talk to him but he never has time for me at all... or if he does he just tells me he's busy cuz he doesn't want to talk to me ... my heart hurts.... I want the Jess back that I knew, the one that really cared and really loved me.... I miss that Jesse...