spilling over

holding back this dam of tears is so hard to do. I'm stuck and I've hurt myself again. I always bring this upon myself and you think I'd learn... one of these days I'm gonna say something and thats gonna be the end right there... I don't want that to happen. I just want to be able to be what it used to be, fun exciting and enjoyable. I miss that, and I miss him... I don't want to be depressed and hurting, I want to be alive again, I don't know how to be tho... I still love him <3