headaches n heart attacks!

my mind has been racing so much lately about everything going on, an I'm texting like 5 people at once and trying to keep with with all these guys messing with my head! I just dont know what to do right now!! I was sitting here running parts and pondering all these guys ... and I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do and where I'm suppose to go with all this... an as I'm sittin here thinkin about texting Ben later, he all the sudden just shows up in the shop... I really hope he can't tell that my cheeks flush bright red an my body goes into 200 degree temperature inside and my heart starts racing... it's so insane what happens when he walks into the room... I've got to talk to him, but there's no time before we leave, so I suppose on one of our snowboard trips I'll have to say something... there's just something about him that gets to me and I can't get enough of it, I feel torn when he leaves. and I know hes headed to the beach... it takes me so much restraint to not hop in my truck an meet him down there... I just want to hug him and tell him how he makes me feel without ruining anything we already have... back to work ... mind circling and heart still racing...

total insanity

wow so much going on all at once it's like. origin was happening now everything is... AAAHHHHH lol I just gotta breath!! ok where to start? how about last weekend was fun but crazy... this guy Jacob one of Zach's friends was totally hittin on me the whole weekend and I kinda liked it but was like dude this guy has problems... but now he's still talking to me... lee facebooked me the other night and was all ' I may or may not want you back let's have coffee' and Andrew is all are we ok... I shut him down cuz he won't leave me alone... and Carhartt guy is still cruising the town now and again an I've also got this guy I'm talking to that I found online... he's so sweet :) I've really enjoyed texting him all day yesterday n today and he might come visit Friday if I get off work at a decent time... it's just a matter of how much dad and I have to do between now a d when we leave for New Jersey... yep we are road trippen it leavin when the parts are finished all 14,000 pounds of them... then swinging by Texas and picking up Ryan's old trams then heading home... crazy busy right now... oh and yeah Ben still stops in and that still messes with my head... an I wanna go snowboarding but dot got the time ... or snow :/ yeah life is hectic oh and Ryan comes home on the 9th so that's exciting :D life's just rolling along ... which reminds me I need to fill out an app for Ecola here pretty quick... oh ad keep up with my pampered chef! like I said before... AAAAHHHHHH :)

A Change In Plans...

Ok so after talking to my parents and looking realistically im not headed to london this coming year, maybe someday in the future... kinda sucks cuz it would be really fun but i aint got not clue how to make it happen, so in the mean time, i will keep workin for dad, attempt to build up some savings and do the 7 week term at Ecola, spring term... that is doable and not too long away from my apt... which brings me to another big step... so my friend will be staying here and i will come back on some weekends depending on my schedule, after that she an i MAY move in together, i havent figured that one out yet. i havent decided if i want to or not, sometimes its nice to be alone, but at the same time my rent and other bills (totaling over 600$ a month) is killing me.. i cant save up for anythign and paying half as much would be really nice!!! hmm what else is going on ... the usual crazy rant with boys, it always seems the one yu want you can never have.. whatever im getting used to it, i still dont like it tho, not being able to say what im feeling.. jsut gotta go with the flow...

I AM SO EXCITED cuz its supposed to snow here this weekend which means its building up on the mountains which means i getta pull out my board again!!!!! WOOHOOO :D i cant wait to be back up on that mountain, face planting and all!!!

oh im headed to washington this weekend with Christina.. should be an interesting one.. she is kinda a pecular one... always has to have everything planned down to a t, then flips out if somethin goes wrong... anyway im driving up an getting between 17-21 mpg im happy!! plus with my new cover it should be closer to the 21 range ... i suppose i should sleep... but i cant thus the reason im on here.. yep.. oh and i gotta find a way to get rid of this guy who says hes my friend and will wait till the ends of the earth for me to like him... aint never gonna happen and ive told him that.. i had a crappy day and kinda mentioned it to him.. he drove from keizer to bring me homemade food, thinking it would cheer me up..... not!! anyway.. yeah back to the real world... my chaotic messed up painful crazy stressful life.. laters yall... night :)

Here we go!!

oh boy!! so yesterday sue Dunham was talking to me about where Seth is in London, and he said if I wanted to she would help sponsor me to go over there and help out and such. I didn't know what this was so I looked into it, DTS- Decipileship training school... oh sounds legit enough... I'm lookin to really do this. I would be leavin from Jan 14-aug22 it's an 8 month program almost 6 months class work and 12 weeks of outreach, and this years outreach is to help with the 2012 summer Olympics... yeah I know exciting!! I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do this because of where I'm at, where I've been lately I need something to do, some direction to take and I said Lord send me a sign, and here it is it will be sad to be gone for 8 months but I think I can handle it. dad can't keep up with payroll and I'm not going anywhere here it's time I do something... and I think this is where I'm supposed to go, please keep me in your prayers y'all!!! love ya guys :)