that little hole

yep I've sunk back down into it an I don't know what to do... all this pain an stress is making me crazy... is it so hard to ask for someone decedent in my life?? why must all guys be complete asses? the act like this one day and treat you totally different the next... I'm sick of all this playing games shit... I just want to be happy, I just want to be with that special someone who is just right for me... why is it the one guy that I totally want is so nice to me, an now is completely ignoring me, it's like I don't exsist... I feel like shit an I just want someone to hang with... no one cares.. I'm just the weird girl who doesn't have a place... I am so sick of being ignored like this all the time... it hurts and I can't stand it... I guess it's another quiet night in my apt alone with popcorn an a sad movie to cry myself to sleep to again... :/ I just hurt so bad inside

Square one

well life should be interesting from here on out... as of dec 1 I was officially unemployed because of job position termination.... awesome... now if I could get my paycheck and move on with life id be happy... but yeah right... I would love to go job hunting but dad says i still need you to work here an I can pay you under the table... we today is my first day and I've done nothing... I dont want to be here there's nothing to do... I want to get out so bad... I just feel so stressed right now I want to scream and leave, just take off... I know exactly where I'd go an I really want to I just need my paycheck so I can put some gas in the car and leave. I also really want to go snowboarding, but haven't gotten a hold of Ben about that yet.. need to... I just wish I could figure this all out

next weekend will help tho, i get to see Jake :) its gonna be a blast! can't wait to go up to Cuda Beach Club and party!!
well back to 'work' laters yall