all the time

why must there be hurt all the time, so much struggle and hard work that never seems to get paid off. why do these things keep happening? I just want to be happy in life again, I want to be able to just take off for the day head to the mountains or coast and just spend the day with that special person, I want to be able to go off and hang out when ever. just be the best I can. I don't know how to fix things right now, I know how I want it to be, but my plans hardly ever are what it turns out to be, or how it ends up. it seems like I'll never get to where I want to be... it's so frustrating. I never get to have what I want... all I want is you and me happy together and loving life with whatever hits us... but I suppose I should start dreamin something else, because the way it seems to be headed and the luck I have with life. I just can't do it, Tuesday I was so ready to kick you the curb, I was so pissed and frustrated with you an what you said, then I rationalized things and came to the same conclusion I have every time, I love you and I just can't let you go... I don't know what I would do without you, and I don't want to be left on my own. I don't want to be just friends, being that really sucks monkey balls... the difference between being friends with you and being with you is the difference between having a truck, and having a truck with fuel that can take you places.