Another night

Just another night out at the bar... Been an interesting one... At least things between Ryan an myself are better a little... Been a little crazy too... Since I started smoking again after a bad night I had a month ago I had a cigarette behind my ear and Ryan came over and told me I don't want it an I did... He took it away and tossed it... Then I told him why I had started again and he gave me one of his and we went out an smoked an talked trucks some... We just might get past all this shit that's been happening between us lately... I just miss having my friend and being able to talk to him. I'm waiting for spring and summer to hopefully have my boat going so we can spend some time out on the water with him. I hate not knowing how long we really have left. Before he's gone and I become a complete disaster. I already miss him knowing what is to come. I hate worrying about him but I can't do anything about it. I just wish things would start looking up for me again. I'm tired of all this negativity and shit that's happening to me all the time. When does it get better??