nobody gives a shit...

ever feel like no one around you gives a shit about you? that's how I'm feeling today... no one cares, my Frieda wont answer their phones and people keep deleting my comments off their statuses... it's really depressing especially after my first day at work that there's no one to tell about my day to... I just want to curl up and cry... the person I want to tell lots of things to doesnt want me to exsist but he's playin nice cuz he's not a complete asshole, just mostly one... I just dont know what to feel or what to even do anymore... I want to leave this shithole and start over... but there's no way I can... I'm so bummed out I'm barely doing anything anymore... softball church league which just started... derby is goin down the drain... I just don't have time or any motivation to want to do any of that... I just hurt so bad inside nothing sounds like fun anymore... I just want to disappear....I dont want to hurt like this anymore... I need someone to pick me up and dust off my shoulders from being walked on. I need someone to love me

crappy feelings again

an once again I'm here feelin like shit... I just can't get past Kalab, he's always on my mind. I just can't function like a normal person anymore... I just want to talk to him all the time an cant because he's either sleeping or not texting back and I cant always text him because that's annoying an he will ignore me more and I just feel so stuck all the time... I got all these songs that run around in my head that remind me of him. any time I hear a song it usually reminds me of him in some way an this provoking his always being on my mind. I just wish I could sit down an tell him how I feel and be able to work it all out without any problems but with my shitty luck he will back pedal on me an never talk to me again. so I'll just keep sittin here wishin he would text me an being a loner... I feel like I aint got any friends that really care how I feel. only one more week until my roommates are gone. that will be a good day. I'm so sick of them an them being around all the time doesn't help me at all. anyway enough ranting for today.. :/...

so much pain

I don't know what to do, I feel so hurt right now an I really shouldn't. I just want to run away and cry until the tears stop flowing and the pain stops hurting. why is it in so caught up in him when I am absolutely nothing to him. I just want to set it all straight and talk to him and make it right. I want to talk it out and settle it between is. weather it's one way or the other I just need to figure out what the hell in doing. I don't want to hurt anymore, but I don't want to lose him either :/ I'm so stuck and so hurt I just want to curl up in his arms an have him tell me it's all ok. also people keeping things from me and it's so irritating because as soon as they ask a question about Kalab if he's figured that thing out with that girl I ask what? and then they shit their mouths and change the subject... it's so irritating that no one will tell me anything anymore.. I'm so out of everybody's loop I want to just leave an not come back....