so lost

im so confused right now, i dont even know where to begin, im not gonna assume anything, but i was curious about your status... does it have anything to do with me? cuz it went up about 30 min after you left. i just dont know whats going on in your head and you arent telling me anything.. can we try to be open with each other? i thought thats what friends did, you tell each other stuff and then help each other with it.

i just dont know waht to say or do anymore, i feel like im always bugging you or simply in the way. i am trying to be as open with you about what im thinking, but it never seems to help anything either, i know last weekend was crazy for you. im trying to be patient and jsut take things as they come, but its so hard to do, waiting for everything i ever wanted.

there are things in life that dont matter, and things that do, right now im fighting for the one thing that means the world to me, the one thing that is the best thing ive ever found in life beside God, I dont know if you realize how much you mean to me or how much i am willing to do for you. ive never had this feeling about anything until i met you, i dont even know how to describe it. all i know is when i get up in the morning i think of you and what i can do to make it right between us again. i pray every night for you, and that everything works out how its supposed to with us. you are everything i want <3

i keep waiting to look up from what im doing and see you standing there, your gorgeous smile and handsome face just watching me, i so badly want to jsut hold you in my arms. then today you show up out of the blue, that in itself made my day. but it so sucked that i couldnt even really talk or anything with you cuz i was stuck at the dumb machine. i sit there working and the senarios keep playing in my head, how you would walk up behind me and wrap your arms around my waist like you used to do and hold me close and kiss my neck... it drives me insane now, that standing 20 feet away from you drives me crazy, i so badly wanted to leave my machine and go stand by you, to be next to you, cuz that makes me happy, and that makes me feel like im alive again, when you leave im jsut a brokenhearted shutdown blob that mopes around but when you show up i come alive and i begin to actually function again.

im done ranting for the night, i miss you, and i love you so much, <3