S.H.I.T.

Damn, im always screwing everything up. always.. nothing i do is ever right or the better choice.. i make all the right decisions after its too late and messed up. i dont know what to do... i feel like shit for hurting you .. honestly i really do.. i feel like shit for walking out the door friday, i feel like shit for all of this. i just came to a point in life where i realized that i wasnt going to get anywhere wishin that i had someone back after a year of disappointment, hurting and depression. i had a curveball thrown at me.. for a day or so i didnt know what to do, dodge it catch it or hit it... i kinda just let it fly by me.. then went and picked it off, dusted it off, and tossed it in the grass and kicked it around.
two wrongs NEVER make a right, i tried to justify myself with what happened to me a year ago.. i got tossed over the fence and forgotten, then smashed into the dirt, wiped off and thrown back into the mud... i got the dirt rubbed in my face, and it hurt, bad... i had to learn to deal with that pain, shove it in the back of my mind and block it from my memory, it took me so long to block it out, then you came and wiped the dirt off again, picked me up and held me, i got so confused and lost i didnt know what happened, and i was so hurt again. i finally broke free and got out of the grasp of the pain, then you offered it back and i had blocked it out and it took me by surprise, but i had gotten to the point of getting myself off the grass and out of the dirt. ive picked myself back up and started walking on my own two feet again... i moved on. i fought the battles in my head for a year, the pain the longing, the dreaming, the waiting. ive grown strong enough to block those, i grown strong enough to move on, and i did
im sorry it hurt, i didnt mean it to, i didnt wish for it to hurt, or break you down, but there are so many differences and conflicts between us past and present.. it just doesnt work... i cant see it ever being what it was, or even working.. there is no trust, its near impossible to build a relationship without any trust. maybe if one day God's plan is for us to be together, then He will make a way. but for now our paths are headed different directions.