deep dark and depressed

i have been in such a low down mood, nothing brings me back up... today was by far the worst its been in a while... i just don't know whats gotten into me lately.. all i wanna do i bawl my eyes out and go running into his arms, i wanna say screw our friendship I'm telling you i still love you and if you wanna disappear then fine disappear it isn't like you've been acting like my friend anyway... it just hurts so bad.. i don't now what to do. he just doesn't realize what he did to me, what he does to me everyday.. and why cant he just see that he's all i ever wanted? i mean seriously how can a guy completely ignore this one person who is wearing their heart on their sleeve waiting day in and day out for them? is it really that hard to see? ugh... and to add to the flames, Daniel.. i mean he and i keep having pretty good convos about life in general.. and there is a girl he likes,  so I'm letting him be right now.. but its like i feel like I'm all caught up in the twilight series, i feel like Bella, i want Jess (Edward) but he told me he doesn't want me, so i fall back on Daniel (Jacob) and become his friend, but they he finds this other girl (joins the wolf pack) and doesn't wanna betray them so he ignores me.. even tho he still cares.. and its just a big old freakin mess of i dunno's and confusion and hurt... I'm so stuck on what to do.. i have literally had to put my phone on the other side of the room so i don't pick it up and text Jess that i love him... its so hard refraining,  i never even see his truck around anymore.. its like he's purposely avoiding me... and that just hurts more.. i don't know how I'm ever gonna see the sun again.. and i am starting to forget things about him, i suppose that's good, but i miss it so much more, i just wanna hold him in my arms, hug him close and kiss him... is that really too much to ask? i just want 1 more chance to be that girl, his girl... ugh i just wanna cry!