Disaster

this disaster is growing inside of me, I can act all calm and never 
look unhappy, but on the inside I am a mutilated mess of flesh... I am 
not involved in fun events with my so called friends, my heart 
shatters more everyday I'm apartfrom him, the pain gets stronger each 
day. the more I think of him the more I want him back. the pain the 
anger the hurt the thoughts the want, take me over. inside me I am a 
disaster of thoughts and feelings swarming together. I don't know what 
to feel on the outside, an I can tell it's leaking out, I can't keep 
it in much longer, I need a place to vent it all, I don't even fully 
vent here, the only way to feel better is to tell him myself and I 
cannot do that. I guess I'm afraid of ruining what little hold on our 
friendship I have, but I just can't stand the thought if having that 
dissapear as well. I can't lose him completely, if I do I don't know 
how I'll ever live. I know I need to let him go, but I have no clue 
how, especially when he's all I ever wanted and the only thing ever on 
my mind, even when I have a million things to think about...