the deep dark hole

i'm dying inside, really i am, i cant function, i feel like a motionless blob that is stuck in space and cant get free, i just want that one thing to release me and bring me back to the surface and love me. is that really too much to ask for? i just hurt all the time and am so unhappy in life, i don't want to be depressed but i start to fill my life with things that aren't good for me to try and be happier and get my mind off him, but in the end it doesn't help either and it just makes me miss him more.. i really wanna just walk up to him and say hey, ya know what , this may ruin our friendship, but i still love you and i miss you like crazy, and i just cant get over you, even tho its been like 7 months... i love you and i want you back.... and i almost texted him that last night, but there is the thought in the back of my head that keeps saying, don't do it, you'll regret it.. but the other voice is saying, hey if its meant to be he'll come back for you... and i just cant stand all this, i just want to be back in his arms again....