pushing it

i think im being pushy already, crap im gonna blow it all , i knew this would happen... why do i constantly push people away from me? i am constantly shoving everyone out of my life that i want... its so hard to just relax and not be so nosey about everything... why do i have to know everything? because im so interested in you and i want to know everything about you... but then i go and push you further away... i always screw up, why cant i jsut be normal why cant i jsut show you how much i love you when you wanna see it not when i have to force it? i guess im just scared to lose you again, scared to have you jsut disappear like you did, i dont ever wanna lose you, i wanna have you forever, cant you see that? cant you see that i would give up my life for you? dont you see how much i love you still? dont you see how much i worry about you and how much i want things to be right in your life?... im rambling on now.. *im praying for you, for everything to work out good with whatever is going on*