Resistance is Feutile

wow this is so freaking hard, i had no idea it would get worse than it was, hanging out with Jess all day, i have never wanted to stop him and hug him then trun him around and kiss him so bad in my life since we broke up.. i think its all my emotions cuz im on my period but i have no clue and it is jsut so hard to refrain from doing so, im a killing myself and biting my lip so bad it has almost bled 2 times. i have to keep my mouth shut before i say anything that makes me regret anything i would say, i have come so close to saying i love you and i freakin miss you so many times today im jsut waiting to say it in my head and accidentally say it out loud... i hate that he isnt mine and i hate that i can touch him or hug him or anything, he gave me that look, the one half eye closed glare that he used to do when he was semi flirting and it about drove me up the wall, this is not good, i want to stay friends, but he is making it hard cuz he is getting more comfortable with our friendship and so it feels like past things keep eaking into it, and it is hard.. damn i want him back, i freakin miss him, and now i shall go back to his side and watch dad keep working, i only get so much time with him anyway, i jsut needed to vent before i spilled this out to him...